pexels-photo-175659.jpegYou can transform a difficult relationship.  It can be done.  

It will happen when you:

Stop trying to predict what the other person is thinking.

Stop trying to make them see it your way.

Stop trying to determine who is right and who is wrong.  


Transformation happens when we stop trying to spoon feed each other guilt and responsibility.

It happens, when instead of fiercely defending ourselves from wrongdoing or mistake making – we stop.  We humble ourselves and we ask…how must it feel?

If you want transformation, don’t say “…but I didn’t mean to hurt you”  say “I’m sorry – that must have been painful, I made a mistake.”

Drop the  “You remember it wrong” accusation and offer compassion. “I can see why you would have been hurt by that, can I try again to say it how I meant it?”

So often we find ourselves caught in the bind of needing to talk about our feelings with our loved ones – yet fearful the conversation will not go as we hope.  Predictable patterns become the cruel choreography of our relationships.  Repeating themselves as if we are dancers to the same four lines of a skipping record.  

So often when we try to use examples to explain our pain we get caught up arguing the accuracy of each others version of how the story played out instead of moving to a place of understanding.  It is as useful and frustrating as each trying to convince each other which shade of blue is the sky, and it does not matter.  

It does not matter if the scene played out the same way for us both.  It does not matter if yours was in 3D while mine ran in grainy black and white.  Nor does the soundtrack matter, nor the timing.  What matters is the way I walked away feeling and the way you did.  Can we come back to the centre of the stage and suffer the discomfort of having made mistakes?  Can we sit in a place of total humility and offer a sincere apology?  Intentional or not – can we honour the other person in their experience?  Are we willing to adjust, adapt,  TRY to do it differently?  Can we stop the record skipping and move into a new routine?

Someone once asked me.  Isn’t love enough?  Is it not enough for you to know how much I love you?  I answered “NO”.  I wish it were.  But it is not.  We also have to work, and practice.  We need to learn about each other and from each other so that we can find a way to move together.  No matter how long people dance together they will inevitably step on each others toes.  If we want to achieve something beautiful, we can not just say “I love you”  we also need to adjust our steps!  We need to give each other a little freedom to move, and we need to LEARN the choreography of each others very special dance.

PICKY Kid approved (veggie filled) chocolate muffins!!


YESSSSSSS!!!   Can I get an AMEN!!!???


My children are not just picky – they are excessively limited.  I mean these kids will choose to go hungry rather than eat an under ripe banana or some pasta sauce that ¨touched green¨.

My children are so picky I have to sprinkle nutritional yeast in their peanut butter sandwiches in hopes they will survive the day!  It is BRUTAL.

Suffice it to say I will stop at NOTHING to sneak food value in to things they DO eat.

Today I will share some success that has me completely overjoyed.

  • You will need a decent blender – not fancy but reasonably strong

Place the following in your blender:


  • 1 Banana, large
  • 6 oz Spinach and or kale (give or take….I used about 2 cups of mixed greens)
  • 1 large egg
  • ½ cup honey
  • 2 tsp Baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp Baking soda
  • 3 tsp Cinnamon
  • Pinch of Sea Salt  (approx ¼ tsp)
  • 2-3 tsp Vanilla or vanilla extract (I use closer to a tablespoon because we LOVE vanilla!)
  • ¼ cup butter + ¼ cup coconut oil (or ½ cup of your fat of choice!
  • ½ cup greek yogurt + ¼ cup whole milk  ( or ¾ cup dairy substitute of your choice!)
  • 2 tablespoons cocoa powder ( if you want a richer chocolate you can safely go to 3 tablespoons)


Blend this crazy concoction until it is SMOOOOOTHE….it will take on a grotesque colour! But fear not…LOL

You need 2 cups of flour…. you have options about what to use.  

What I used:

1 cup Oat flour (Whole oats blended in advance down to a somewhat fine powder)

¼ cup Corn flour

¼ cup Unbleached all purpose flour

¼ cup Raw hulled, unsalted pumpkin seeds ground into a fine powder (coffee grinder works great!)

¼ cup Ground Flax seed


YOU could….

Go with all purpose straight up! (there is LOTS of goodness in there already so don´t need to knock yourself out!)

Use half oat and half flour of your choice (best to use something you typically bake with and know how it behaves)

BUCKWHEAT flour!  Yummmy goodness – but the taste is a little different so if this is new to your kids – go no more than HALF and use something familiar the other half…. Like oat or standard all purpose.(I always add extra cinnamon when using buckwheat)

OR DO IT YOUR WAY!!!  🙂 May the force be with you 😀

** In a large bowl, mix your blender concoction into the flour.

(At this point you can consider adding any little extras that will help entice the hooligans.  Some chocolate chips? Nuts? Coconut?…whatever tickles their tummies.)  I opted to add nothing and they were received with rave reviews.

** Bake in greased muffin tin (or lined) approx 18 minutes at 350 degrees.

Keep in mind all ovens vary slightly – so watch them, and do the poke test!

They are good warm – but actually taste better when cooled.  So patience is in your favor 🙂


I hope your little toots like them as much as mine do!!  







‘Tis the season for a little talk of love wouldn’t you agree?

I have wanted to write a little something on the topic for quite some time.  It’s a tricky one though.  You have to find the right balance of pragmatism and romanticism.  It takes ninja authoring to slip some sentimental stuff across the screen of the discerning reader with ¨cheese ball¨ allergies. (You know it’s true.)  But today I am inspired to try.

I recently made a solo road trip to be reunited with several childhood friends.  Driving there and back I was flooded with memories and emotion.  The door to the vaults of my long time memories swung wide open and I toured through the countless adventures, accomplishments, trials and challenges that defined the relationships of my past. Understanding that I was still loved by these people, and felt such love for them made me feel warm, and deeply comforted.  I reflected on my life now.  My family, friends and the life my husband, children and I have built.  We know we are lucky and rich in the way of a life full of loving people.  As I contemplated it all I was a little overwhelmed – and CAPTIVATED by all the ways and layers of loving.

We tend to think of love in fairly concrete terms.  The love of a parent, a child or a romantic partner.  We also tend to hold each other to some pretty strict expectations.

If you love me…

¨You wouldn’t hurt me, wouldn’t disrespect me, wouldn’t leave me.¨

¨If you love me, you wouldn’t choose another path, another person.¨

¨If you love me you would say sorry, you would change your ways, you would give me what I ask….¨ on and on it goes.  We over simplify the notion of love.  Which in turn makes it very complicated.   As I was driving I found myself picking through the layers and I felt a sudden sense of understanding.  Love is not the safe guard against mistakes, weakness, or even unkind behaviour.  Love is the tool we use, to guide our behaviour, to do better, to anchor us through the rough times, and to heal when we must move on!

As I drove the snow covered country roads singing along to old favourites and day dreaming about my friends a list of ¨IS¨ and ¨IS NOT¨ began rolling through my mind:

Love is – accepting each other, even the flaws.

Love is not – allowing ourselves to be hurt repeatedly.

  • You can love someone – but still need to let them go if they keep hurting you!

Self Love – is setting the standard for how you will be treated – and letting go when you must – because you must.

Love is – finding a way to honour the good, even in someone who has hurt you.

Love is not – hiding and ignoring what is wrong.

Self Love – is honouring the good in yourself, and protecting your worth above all else.

  • You may have to leave someone behind – but you don´t have to hate them.

Love is – looking for solutions before walking away.

Love is not – holding on excessively despite what the other person wants, or DOES to you.

Self Love – is finding the healthy balance between these two things – for yourself.

  • There will be times when it is the other person who needs to walk away.  In those times self love is about honouring yourself and all that you have to offer.  It is about understanding that relationships are about SO many things beyond our control.  Like timing, and chemistry and history and priorities etc.

Love is forgiveness even when it is difficult.

Love is about saying you are sorry, even when THAT is difficult.

Love is about honesty – even when it is terrifying and you feel vulnerable and exposed.

It is not always needing to be right (even when you are – or were!)

Love is not about keeping tabs and evening the score.

Love is not ¨payback¨ moves or grudges, or having the upper hand.

It is about making each other feel safe, and wanted, in whatever capacity makes sense in your life right now!

A Loved one lets go of agendas and supports YOU.  Roots for you – even if what you want is not what they wish you would want.

Sometimes – love is romance.  It can be hot and steamy.  You may want to find a dark corner and misbehave like a bad teenager… or it can be more subtle, more relaxed.  It can even be grubby and boring!

Sometimes love is pragmatic.  It can be, making each other cups of hot tea and soothing a forehead with your cool hand.  Or it can demand all your strength and will, as you hold each other through a storm of faith, or health, or conscience or trauma.

LOVE CAN BE PLATONIC!! Even when one or both of you wish it weren´t!!

This is a BIG one.…when you LOVE someone – you put their needs in front of your desires, and there will be times when what they NEED is your friendship and love – but not YOU.

In those times – self love is feeling the feelings, and accepting the hurt, knowing that this is just LIFE, and LOVE and in honouring your loved ones needs….you are LOVING THEM WELL!!!  This takes strength – but it is such a gift.

Love is not about remembering birthdays and special dates.  It is about showing each other respect every day.  It is about seeing the goodness and capacity and potential in one another. Helping each other grow!

Love is not shown in lavish gifts and fancy surprises. Though those things are fun and generous. LOVE is shown through acts of kindness, support and self offering.

Love is not demanding to be accommodated,  it is about seeking to make space for each others needs, and quirks.  Striving NOT to take more space than we allow each other, to be quirky, flawed or forgiven.

Love is valuing each others perspective, time, advice, input.

Sometimes – it is a wordless passing of time, just enjoying the privilege of each others presence, energy and LOVE!

Love is, slowing down sometimes.

Saying nothing sometimes,

Walking side by side sometimes – and other times it is standing at the sidelines with your heart in your throat!

Love can be holding on with all your strength – or letting go, despite your aching heart.

Love is sharing…sometimes we find ourselves giving more, sometimes taking more.

It is humbling ourselves when the moment calls upon us to do so.  And building each other up when it is required.

It is having a standard for one another – and holding ourselves accountable…but not expecting perfection.

It is all SO simple….and yet…not at all…