Some days are harder.
Some days the draw of ego and what could have been are too strong.
Gratitude is eclipsed by grief.
Some days fatigue wins.
It comes with its own sense of sadness.
You surrender to sleep despite a desperate desire to play outside, go dancing or visit friends.
Pouting changes nothing.
It only makes the waiting feel longer and healing feel slower.
And yet – some days your humanness seeps through.
The tears flow.
The anxiety comes in waves.
You feel your life has been shrunk beyond recognition, like a favourite sweater gone through a hot wash.
Try as you might you can not stretch it back to its old familiar form.
Trying to squeeze into it leaves you frustrated and claustrophobic.
In your heart you know this is a practice of patience.
You know you have much to be grateful for and look forward to.
LIFE IS GOOD!
The self pity comes with heavy guilt, and shame.
Yet there it is, like a rough blanket draped heavily over your shoulders
Wrapped tightly around your chest.
You can not shrug it off.
Instead you embark on slowly releasing yourself from its grip.
When you do you take a deep breath.
You will yourself to step forward.
Press the weight of it behind you and reach your arms out from the shadows.
You turn your face to the light.
Wish as you would you cannot deny yourself these moments.
You mustn’t admonish yourself for your allowing these raw and natural emotions.
The journey is slow but it is moving all the same and with it so you must – MOVE.
Move through it, all of it.
Experience it. Accept it.
Acceptance is not a state of constant positivity.
It is a process of making peace with what comes.
Chase away your pain and it will return stronger than ever.
Bury the fears inside you, they will root and grow.
Cage the beasts of anger – they will turn you against yourself the moment they are given the chance!
Instead – walk the path, allow the storms to pass with the same welcome as you give the sun.
Allow yourself to be enriched,
Look ahead with curiosity toward what is undoubtedly emerging.
Each moment, each day, in its own time.
The thing that today seems so evasive, will be within your grasp.